Geographically Challenged – Inability to Follow Simple Directions
Most people, except my wife, assume that I have at least average intelligence. I do manage to tackle most of the daily challenges, except one. I am unable to follow simple directions to reach a place. If I drive a certain route in one direction, it is next to impossible to drive back the same way even if I have started just after I have reached the place.
I am not talking about complicated instructions such as take a U turn at the first signal, keep right, turn left at the first crossing and keep going till the third signal turns green. No, I have pulled over the road while a patient gentleman explained ‘Take the first left turn and it is the fourth building on the right’. I double check to make sure and still manage to get lost.
And, yes, I am an exception to the rule that states that whatever happens, a man will not ask for directions. I will ask for help from a rickshawalla, move a little ahead, shock a casual pedestrian daydreamer to find out the exact location of the famous mall. A few minutes later, I will consult the local panwalla and then, further on, trouble a senior citizen. My wife may be the only one who complains that her man asks directions too many times and wish that he would just keep quiet and drive to the destination.
It is not just reaching places that baffle me. Right from my school geography classes, I was unable to comprehend as to how on earth can the earth be round. As it rotates, people on the top should fall down in a heap. In spite of having a wonderful geography teacher, I could never understand lithosphere, biosphere, latitudes, longitudes, differences between peninsula and isthmuses. My eyes used to bulge when the teacher explained that instead of being a true sphere, the earth is actually flattened near the poles and slightly bulging near the equator.
Technology has somewhat simplified my search. I would open Google maps and Wikimapia trying to locate a place. Nevertheless, it would still take me a couple of hours to find my bearings.
Recently, I had to go to a place located just 15 kms from my house and off a busy highway. Lesser mortals would have just driven down and asked directions as they went along. However, I had to be absolutely sure about all the twists and turns before I started my car.
I opened both Google earth and Wikimapia and began the arduous task of first locating my area on the map and then, slowly tracing the way towards the highway. I was thrilled when I discovered that the venue could be easily reached by taking a right turn after a flyover. I went on the same path several times on both the maps just to make sure.
When I was fairly convinced, I called up a friend to double check asking her to open the maps and help me locate the venue. Within minutes, she called back and gave me the directions. There was one hitch. While she told me to take a left turn just before the flyover, my analysis showed that I had to take the right turn just after the flyover. We exchanged notes to ensure that we were on the same flyover and even the same highway. There, I was again stuck even before starting the journey.
While she silently cursed me for being such an idiot, I decided to sleep over it while my brain processed the contradictory information. As expected, the eureka moment came the next morning in the middle of a shave. While I had approached the flyover from one end of the expressway, on her screen, she was moving towards the flyover from the opposite end. Elementary, my dear friend.
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Gosh, why do I have a niggling doubt that the friend directing you from the opposite end of the flyover was me?!
And yes, SN my dear friend, you are geographically challenged. One of those few men who can’t read a map just as there are few women who can navigate well. So wallow not, you are one of the exceptions. Not the only one. 🙂
You are absolutely right. You are the one whose patience I tested. Anyway, it is comforting to know that there are some others in the same boat. Also, being geographically challenged combined with a certain obsession about getting a guaranteed parking space ensures that the car is mostly in the garage.
direction-givers are just as geographically challenged as direction-askers, + they are direction-communication-challenged,too,:) once, one of my friends gave this direction to a seeker: “seedha jaao,aur aage jaake valo” in chaste hindi-marathi!
I will not comment on your intelligence bit- its rude to call a blind man blind- visually challenged is morre like it. However one thing i will say here- you have picked me up and dropped me to my destination without a single direction being sought and we have never gotten lost